john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
