they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
