Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
