Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
