Kiss
Puke
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
