oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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