I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
