Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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