So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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