Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
