And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
