Where is the hickey?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
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