this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
