She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
