as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize