the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
