i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
