i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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