I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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