Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize