She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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