You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize