WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize