"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
