she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
