If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
