i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize