Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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