there's paper in my vomit.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
