Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize