i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
