non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
