How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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