so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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