Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
