I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
