Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize