dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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