You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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