so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
