They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This house was built for laser tag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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