Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
