I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
