i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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