could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
