I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize