Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
