Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
