You made me cry and you don't even care
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
PANTIES FOUND
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
