He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
