Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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