Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
