I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do vagina's smell?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
