Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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