Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
