hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
