At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
