Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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