everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
