so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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