Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
