Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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