The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
ttyl tear gas
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
