Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
