why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
