Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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