I'm drive I can fine osifer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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