I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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