I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
