I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
