Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize