Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
