Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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