My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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