Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
