How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize