Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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