If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
