I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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