it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
