Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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