Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
