My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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