I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
