4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
