Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
