you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
