If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Quick, to the slutcave!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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