Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
