i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
