I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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