OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
